Offense is a Trap
Rick Renner

Rick Renner is a highly respected leader, teacher, and author within the Christian community, both in the U.S. and abroad. He works alongside his wife Denise to see the Gospel preached, leadership trained, and churches established throughout the former Soviet Union. Rick and Denise are the founders and pastors of the Moscow Good News Church. They reside in Moscow, along with their three sons and their families.

The following is an excerpt from Rick Renner’s latest book, You Can Get Over It: How To Confront, Forgive, and Move On. Click on Rick’s Facebook page at www.facebook.com/RickRenner to request a free copy of this book, while supplies last.

As long as we live in this world, we’re going to have to deal with the potential of being offended. We can’t prevent offenses from happening, but we can avoid taking offense and getting bitter. Opportunities to get offended will always present themselves to each one of us. In fact, Jesus Himself told us that it would be impossible to avoid offenses because they will come (see Luke 17:1). Jesus wasn’t being the bearer of bad news when He said that — He was just telling us the truth.

So if there’s one thing we all need to learn, it’s how to deal with people and the offenses that inevitably occur in life. That’s why the apostle Paul wrote in Hebrews 12:14: “Follow peace with all men…” That word “follow” is the Greek word dioko, which means to follow, to pursue, or even to hunt. The use of this word indicates that peace isn’t always easy to come by ― we may have to search for it. And in our relationships with the more difficult people we encounter in life, we will have to aggressively seek peace.

Hebrews 12:14 goes on to say, “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord.” This verse bothered me for years because it appeared to say that if a person died with bitterness or strife in his heart, he wouldn’t go to Heaven. After all, the last phrase says, “without which no man shall see the Lord.” But when I pulled out my Greek New Testament to look up this word “see,” I discovered this phrase could be better interpreted: “without which no man shall be admitted into the immediate presence of God.” This verse really isn’t talking about admittance into Heaven. It’s referring to entrance into the presence of God right now. In other words, if a person knowingly harbors bad attitudes, strife, or unforgiveness in his heart, those attitudes can set up a roadblock in his life that prevents him from experiencing the power and presence of God right now.

We’ve all faced situations in our lives that greatly challenge us in our commitment to walk free from offense. I don’t believe that anyone ever wakes up and thinks, I fully intend to become offended by someone today! Offenses tend to catch us by surprise. And if we’re not on guard against the temptation to be offended, we can easily fall into the trap of offense.

That’s why it’s so important for you to commit yourself to living free from offense ― and to make this commitment before you’re faced with the opportunity to become offended. If you’ll make up your mind and settle the matter ahead of time about how you will and will not respond, you won’t slip, trip, and get stuck when the trap of offense is suddenly sprung on the path before you.

The ‘Pygmy Pastor’

I want to share a personal story that I’m not proud of, but it’s one that will illustrate how offense gets started and how it grows out of control if you don’t commit to living free of offense. Something happened between another pastor and me many years ago in the early years of our ministry in the Soviet Union. As a result of my immaturity, I became deeply offended and my behavior ended up becoming just as ugly as the person’s behavior that had offended me. I am thankful that the Lord confronted me and required me to repent in a dramatic way ― dramatic enough that I would learn the lesson and never want to repeat it again. But before I tell you the story, let me begin by saying that he and I are great friends today and are very thankful for each other!

Soon after our family moved to the former Soviet Union in the early 1990s, Denise and I began broadcasting the first daily Christian TV program in the history of the USSR. After a while, we held a large conference ― and to our absolute shock, thousands of people attended the meeting. We saw real New Testament signs and wonders during that conference: Cripples were healed; the paralyzed were restored to health; and the deaf and dumb spoke. It was a miraculous event that caught the attention of the entire nation. During that conference, God asked me, “What are you going to do with all these people who have been saved this week?” Of course, I understood from His question that He was calling Denise and me to start our first church where we lived in Riga, Latvia, the capital of a small Baltic republic that had once been a part of the Soviet Union.

At that time, there were only two aboveground churches in Latvia. All of the other churches were underground, concealed from the sight of the KGB. Of these two aboveground churches, one was a traditional Pentecostal church that had the guts and gumption to emerge into public view. The other visible church had been started by that Pentecostal church’s former youth pastor. This man just couldn’t bear with the religious tradition, so he started a church called New Generation and declared that he and his church were going to lead the way forward for the next generation of believers in Latvia. At the time God told me to start our own church, this man’s church was the most progressive and boisterous church in Riga. As a result, it had grown quickly and made quite a noise within the Christian community.

However, there were things I didn’t like about this pastor’s church. For example, some of the doctrines he taught back then really rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t believe they were scriptural. I also didn’t like his arrogant attitude toward all the other Protestant churches in Riga and throughout Latvia. He had publicly bad-mouthed a lot of the underground churches, as well as the other public Pentecostal church. Hearing someone talk like that really irked me. It was true that some of the other churches seemed stuck in the traditions of their past, but their congregations were filled with good, faithful people, many of whom had spent time in prison for their faith. I felt they deserved respect.

But this pastor sincerely believed that that all of the other congregations would ultimately merge as a part of his church. So when Denise and I started our church, he wasn’t very happy about it! We were on TV every day, giving voice to the Gospel in the nation where he wanted, but had not achieved, spiritual dominance. And when our church began to grow quickly, he felt threatened. One day he retaliated and started a war of words. Standing in front of his church, this pastor told his congregation, “I know there is another church in Riga that is growing rapidly. But let me tell you what I think about it ― any pastor who is bald [referring to me!] is under a curse of God! Don’t go visit a church where the pastor is cursed!”

When I first heard what this pastor had said, I thought it was funny. But the more I brooded on it, the more I began to get angry about the situation. How dare he say something so stupid to influence and manipulate people! I fumed. People regularly informed me that this man was continuing to make fun of me for being bald ― and was even judging my anointing by virtue of my baldness. I wasn’t upset because he said I was bald; I don’t care about that. I had been losing hair since I was 17 years old, so that didn’t bother me. But his arrogant attitude did bother me. And the more I thought about that, the more annoyed I became. This preacher who continually reproached me in public was a short man. So to get back at him for what he’d been saying about me, I began to change the way I referred to him in public, calling him “the pygmy pastor”!

I had allowed myself to take offense at this pastor’s words and his judgment of me. As a result, those words began to eat me up on the inside. It got to the place where I found myself standing behind my pulpit in my own church, saying something very “un-Christ-like” words about this man to my own congregation. I began, “I understand there is another pastor in town ― I’m not going to say his name ― who has said that any pastor like me who is bald is under the curse of God. But let me tell you what I think…”

I could see Denise squirming in her chair on the front row. I knew she was hoping I’d stop before I said what I was about to say. But I barreled forward full blast and declared, “If you want to know who I think is cursed, I think anyone whose growth has been stunted is the one under the curse of God!” Then I threw down the verbal gauntlet: “I want to make it clear today that if anyone is cursed, it’s a ‘pygmy-sized pastor’ on the other side of town, and I recommend that no one should attend his church!”

At that moment, a feud marked by raging carnality erupted between me and this other pastor. Back and forth, we began to publicly rip at each other with our words. It was shameful.

I was ready to keep spewing my ugly words as long as it took to win this feud. Then the Holy Spirit arrested me long enough to pose a question to me: “Rick, do you want to have revival in your life and in your church?”

“Yes, Lord, you know I do,” I replied.

He asked me again, “Are you absolutely sure you want revival in your church?”

I answered, “Yes, Lord, you know I do.”

A third time, the Holy Spirit asked, “How badly do you want revival in your church?”

I answered, “Lord, you know how desperately I want to see revival. I’ll do anything You ask of me if it will bring revival in my church.”

That’s when the Holy Spirit answered me, “Then I am requiring you to deal with your wrong attitude toward this man, because this foul attitude in your heart will stop you from experiencing revival.”

‘But What About Him?’

“But it was this pastor who picked the fight, not me!” I argued. “Good grief! I was new in town. He could have welcomed and supported me, but instead he called me ‘cursed’ because I was bald and threatened his people not to attend any services at our church. This pastor has done some seriously wrong things against me, Lord!”

Even today ― 20 years later ― people remember the mud-slinging that took place between this pastor and me back in those days. It was really nasty and ugly, yet we were the two largest churches in Riga at the time! The entire scenario was extremely ungodly and out of order.

Then the Lord explicitly told me that I was to go to this pastor and repent for my wrong attitude toward him. So I replied to the Lord, “I have a reason for feeling the way I do toward this man. What about him, Lord? What are You going to do about all the wrong things he’s said and done against me?” (Have you ever said something similar to the Lord when He was dealing with you about your bad attitude toward someone else?)

I’ll never forget what the Holy Spirit said to me at that moment: “I’m not talking to you about this man. I’m talking to you about YOU. I will deal with him for what he’s done to you, but right now I’m dealing with you for your reactions to him.”

Isn’t it interesting that when God deals with us about our wrong attitudes, words, or actions in a difficult situation with someone else, we so often want to justify ourselves by focusing on what the other person did wrong? That’s just what Adam did in the Garden of Eden. He blame-shifted and said, “This woman You gave me.…” when God confronted him about his disobedience. When we do the same, we don’t seem to realize that we’re actually accusing God of being irresponsible for not dealing with the other person instead of us!

When you think about it, it’s really very arrogant of us to ask the One who sees and knows all things, “Lord, don’t You see what that person did? Aren’t You aware of what he (or she) said to me?” No matter how hard we try to get God to focus on the other person or to come into agreement with our side of things, He will always, always point us back to the wrong motivations of our own hearts, because those motivations are the roots that produce any ugly fruit growing in our lives. Jesus commanded us to produce fruit that remains (see John 15:16). However that won’t happen unless we guard our hearts and diligently pluck out any seeds of strife before they develop into deep roots of bitterness that can pollute our lives and produce poisonous fruit.

This was the lesson I was about to learn ― but I definitely wasn’t ready for what the Holy Spirit said next to me! He told me to get in the car, drive across town, go into that pastor’s office, get down on my knees in front of him, and repent for every slanderous thing I had heard, believed about him, and repeated to others. Ugh! That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew the Holy Spirit had told me to do it.

When the Holy Spirit asked me to go to him and get on my knees in front of him, my first response was, “NO, I WON’T DO IT! I’m not giving that man the gratification of seeing me on my knees in front of him. I don’t want to give him the pleasure!” I was certain that the moment I walked out of his office, he would tell everyone, “RICK RENNER has bowed before me today!”

For two months, I heard the small, silent voice of the Holy Spirit, asking me again and again, “Are you going to obey Me? Are you going to do what I’ve asked you to do? Are you going to go to that pastor, get on your knees, and repent for your attitude toward him?” I argued with the Lord for two months about the matter, but He just kept saying, “Rick, do you really want revival? If you do, then you have to do what I’m requiring you to do.” It got to the point that the Lord was interrupting my prayer time every day, saying, “Are you going to obey Me? Are you going to obey Me? Are you going to obey Me?” The sound of those words was like a roaring in my mind.

At last I threw in the towel and gave up! I said, “Yes, yes, yes ― I will obey You!” So I asked my associate to go with me for moral support, and I drove across town to this man’s church office. As I sat across the room from the pastor, we talked about the weather, about politics, about our children. Finally, we didn’t have anything else to talk about, and I knew the time had come for me to do what I had come to do. I could get up and leave that room with unfinished business and totally fail this assignment, or I could slip down onto my knees and do what Jesus had asked me to do.

After breathing a deep sigh, I told this pastor, “I’m here today to do something that the Lord is requiring me to do.” He just stared at me, so I continued, “I’ve heard a lot of bad things you’ve said about me. I know about some of your doctrines that I find to be very wrong. [At that moment, I began to slip into the accusatory mode and had to deliberately pull out of it!] But I’m not here to deal with you today. I’m here today to deal with me. You have offended me, and ever since, I have believed every negative thing any person has told me about you. Please accept my apology for repeating those things to others. I’ve been wrong. I have been a source of division. I’m here to ask you to forgive me.”

At that moment, I wanted to hear this man respond, “Well, Rick, I’ve said a lot of bad things about you, it’s true. I need to ask you to forgive me as well.” That would have made me feel so much better. But instead of apologizing to me or acknowledging that he had done anything wrong, he just stared at me with a look of glee in his eyes. I could see that he was relishing every moment of my contrition.

Then the Holy Spirit said to me, “Now it’s time to get on your knees in front of him.”

I argued inwardly with the Lord. Please don’t ask me to get on my knees!

But the Holy Spirit quietly spoke to my heart, “Rick, you need to get on your knees in front of this man to properly ask for his forgiveness.”

So I lowered myself down to one knee, thinking that if I did it halfway, the Lord might be satisfied. But I heard the Holy Spirit say, “BOTH knees!”

I knew full well at that moment that if I wanted to please the Lord and experience a freshness of His presence within our church, I had to fully obey Him, no matter how humiliated I felt or how this man responded. I also knew that if I didn’t get it right this time, I would have to come back a second time. God would not let me off the hook. So I knelt on both knees, looked up at this pastor, and said, “Brother, I repent before God and before you for the ugly attitude and words that I’ve fostered and perpetuated against you.”

That day freedom came into my soul. From that day forward, I didn’t care what this man said or didn’t say about me. I had done what the Lord required of me, and I was free. Even more, I began to take active steps to really pursue peace with him. Denise and I invited him and his wife to our home for dinners on multiple occasions. I also invited him to speak in our church, and I attended his church conferences. I was pursuing, following, and hunting after peace with this man. After all, we were pastors of the two largest churches in the city. If nothing else, we needed to be at peace with each other for the sake of Christ’s testimony in Riga.

It took awhile, but later this pastor also acted on what the Lord spoke to his heart to do in order to pursue peace with me. Since that time, he and I have become very good friends. Today if I visit Riga, we always meet for breakfast and share from our hearts with each other. We have a mutual and genuine respect for one another. The devil had very different plans for our relationship, but we chose to thwart those demonic plans by doing what God told us to do in order to pursue peace with each other.

If you have an offense against someone, you can’t wait until the other person takes action. God may require you to be the initiator of peace. In my case, I couldn’t wait until this pastor chose to reconcile our relationship before I let go of offense. I had to get over it and step out in obedience to the Lord for the sake of His presence in my own life and ministry.

As I look back on that day when I knelt before that pastor in his office, I’d have to say that it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done up to that moment in my life. But I learned a priceless lesson through that experience: The flesh will always want to react when someone hurts or wrongs us. But reacting to carnality with more carnality only escalates the situation into a full-fledged manifestation of strife, creating an atmosphere for every evil work. That’s exactly what the enemy wants to happen so he can move in to bring destruction and ruin into the lives of everyone involved.

On the other hand, if we will choose to obey God by responding to an offense in humility and love, we’ll not only dismantle the enemy’s trap, but we’ll also create a platform for God to move on both sides of the situation in a way that will honor Him and promote His purposes.

Seek Peace and Pursue It

Sometimes peace can be gained, but it takes lots of hard work to maintain it. There are a lot of people who come to a resolution and finally obtain peace. But because of subsequent circumstances, they get offended once again and lose their hard-earned peace.

That’s why we’re told in Ephesians 4 that we have to endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (see Ephesians 4:3). That word “endeavor” is the Greek word spoudadzo, which means to hasten, to go as fast as you can, or to put all of your heart into a pursuit. This tells us that it will not be easy to maintain peace in our relationships. We’ll have to continually work at it.

When the writer of Hebrews 12:14 told us to follow peace with all men and “holiness,” he used the Greek word hagios, which means to be separate or to be different from the world. Then the verse goes on to say, “…without which no man shall see the Lord.”

That is exactly what the Lord meant when He asked me, “Do you want to have revival in your life and your church?” When we harbor wrong attitudes in our hearts, those attitudes restrict us from moving up into higher realms of God’s presence and glory. We won’t be able to enter into the full dimension of God that’s available to us because those negative attitudes will block us from experiencing His anointing.

That’s why we are instructed to keep our hearts free of offense. However, to obey that divine command requires spiritual maturity. In fact, the next verse goes on to say, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God…” (v. 15). That phrase “looking diligently” as used in this verse is the Greek compound word episkopos, taken from the Greek word epi,which means over, and the word skopos,which means to look. When these two words are compounded, the new word episkopos means one who looks over or one who has the oversight of something. This is a person who has a managerial role or a supervisory position. It is the same word that’s translated “bishop” in First Timothy 3:1.

To get the full idea of what this phrase means, you have to stop and think for a moment about the role of a bishop. A bishop is responsible for churches. If he is a good bishop, he makes sure that the churches under his care have his focused attention so they will grow and thrive. If he is a poor bishop, however, he won’t pay attention to the condition of those churches, and they will eventually fall apart. But whether he does well or poorly, he must give account to God for what happens in those churches because he is the one responsible for them as their bishop.

Now that same word episkopos ― when used in the context of strife, unforgiveness, and offense ― is translated as “looking diligently.” God is plainly telling us here to act as the “bishops” of our own hearts. Just as a bishop is responsible for what happens in a group of churches, we are responsible for what happens in our hearts. This means we can’t blame someone else for what we allow to develop inside our own hearts; God will hold us accountable for it.
 
When people hear this scriptural principle, there’s usually someone who will say, “You just don’t know what So-and-so has done to me. There’s a reason I’m hardhearted and bitter. It’s not my fault. I have a reason to be like this.” When people talk like that, they are basically deflecting responsibility for their own inner attitudes and attempting to justify their own wrong actions in taking offense.

Since offenses come to all of us, we each will have a “reason” to feel offended at one time or another. But not one of us has an excuse for giving in to that temptation. We have to be careful to look diligently to keep our hearts free from offense.

Hebrews 12:15 goes on to tell us why it’s so crucial that we obey this command: “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” This word “root” is the Greek word pidzo, which describes something that is deeply implanted. This tells us that bitterness is not a superficial issue; rather, it develops deep and entangled roots in our souls. The word “bitterness” is the Greek word pikria, which describes something that is inwardly sour, caustic, or sharp. It describes a person who is so inwardly sour and bitter that it shows up on his face as a scowl.

What is in a person will eventually comes out of him. Jesus said, “…Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matthew 12:34). It isn’t difficult to know what is in people’s hearts. Just let them talk, and their own words will give them away. Eventually what is in them will come out of them. The mouth is the great revealer of the heart. In fact, whatever is in a person’s heart usually dominates the things he or she talks about, whether good or bad.

For example, if you were to strike up a conversation with me, you’d find that I talk about a lot about Russia. I talk about television in Russia, the church in Russia, all of our outreaches in Russia, and so on. Russia dominates my conversation because it occupies my thoughts and fills my heart. Russia is what I think about, what I meditate on. Russia is the place I’ve given my life to for the Gospel’s sake. That’s why it comes out of my mouth.

A person’s mouth is the outlet for the overflow of a full heart. Thus, if his heart is filled with bitterness, that bitterness will manifest itself in his life. Its caustic, defiling presence will saturate his attitudes and be conveyed through what he says and how he reacts in different situations. A person cannot conceal what fills him. Eventually it will come out.

So with that principle in mind, ask yourself this: What does my mouth reveal about the condition of MY heart?

Every one of us should ask ourselves that question. Whatever we meditate on will take root and produce fruit in our lives. Therefore, we have to constantly guard against what we allow to dominate our thoughts. `God doesn’t allow us to justify bitterness in our hearts just because we’ve been wronged or because we have a “good reason.” Those so-called “reasons” are simply traps — designed to hinder or destroy us if we allow them to remain lodged in our minds where they can grow and eventually dominate our thoughts. When we’re wounded by some sort of offense, that wound will fester if we leave it unchecked. We must determine to let go of that offense and move forward.

The Solution for Offense

So what’s the solution to letting go of offense? Jesus told us clearly in Luke 17:3. He said, “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.”

Jesus started out by saying, “Take heed to yourselves….” That is important instruction, because when you’re offended, the first thing you want to do is take heed to your offender, not to yourself. You want to think about what that person has done and talk about it to anyone who will listen to you. You’ll want to talk about it over and over, relishing in the sympathy you receive as you defile the hearts and minds of those who hear your words.

Bitterness is messy business. It will stunt your spiritual growth because God’s presence absolutely will not rest upon you or cause you to flourish when you’re in that poisonous state of mind. That’s the reason it’s of utmost importance that you obey Jesus’ command to take heed to yourself.

According to the Greek, a better translation of the phrase “take heed” would be get a grip on yourself. That is precisely how you get over issues. It’s how you operate as the bishop ― the overseer and guardian ― of your own heart. You get a grip on yourself by ceasing to focus on who offended you. You get a grip on yourself by taking command of your thought life and refusing to indulge in self-pity.

Jesus went on in Luke 17:3 to share the full solution: “…If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.” We’ll discuss what this part of the verse means in more detail in Chapter Eight, but let’s take a quick look now at what Jesus was telling us to do if we become offended.

Take note of that word “trespass.” It’s the Greek word hamartano, which can denote to violate a rule; to cross a line;or to commit a grievance. If your brother violates you, you are to rebuke him. The word “rebuke” comes from the Greek word epitimao, and it means to forthrightly and directly admonish. Then if he repents, you are to forgive him. This word “forgive” is the powerful Greek word aphiemi. This word means to permanently dismiss, to liberate completely, to discharge, to send away, or to release. The best modern-day translation of this word “forgive” is let it go. Thus, Luke 17:3 could read this way: “If your brother violates you, be straightforward and deal with it. And if he repents, let it go.”

That is precisely how God has forgiven us. Psalms 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” God is certainly capable of reaching into the past and dragging up our former transgressions, but He will not do that because He has dismissed those transgressions from us. He will never pull up a reminder of our sins because He has completely released us from them.

Our carnal nature can have a really difficult time with this concept of letting go of offense. When somebody sins against us, it’s easy to wallow in self-pity and start singing that old song, “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Nobody knows my sorrow.” We can start thinking we’re justified in holding on to the offense because we think no one has ever been hurt to the extent we have. (Of course, in these moments, we can also conveniently forget the times we may have hurt someone else in that same manner or worse!)

If we don’t discipline our flesh to let go of offense and self-pity, it will rule as a dictator in our lives. That’s why we have to take our place as the bishops of our own hearts. Just like a child, our flesh needs boundaries and discipline, or it will run rampant over our emotions and thought life. We have to tell our flesh what it can and cannot do ― how it will and will not feel. We have to rein in our emotions and control our flesh by taking control of our thoughts. The way to do this is with our own words. We have to speak to our minds and emotions. Our own voice is the key to our freedom from the debilitating and defiling oppression of offense.

As the bishop of your own heart, you are the only one who has the authority to rip the root of bitterness and offense out of your heart. Jesus said that we could speak to a mountain and it would be cast into the sea (Mark 11:23). There isn’t much need to speak to physical mountains and toss them into the ocean, but a stronghold in the soul is a different matter. Like a mountain, a stronghold can tower over your life and hinder you in so many ways. If you’re ever going to be free to move forward and live fully in the power of God, it’s up to you to release the offenses that built that stronghold in your heart.

Moreover, bitterness doesn’t just hinder your walk with God ― it also impedes your fellowship with others. The fact is, if you’re bound by offense against one person, that bondage will affect your other relationships as well. The poisonous attitudes you carry in your heart against one person will affect how you respond to everyone else.

You may have suffered a hurt or offense in the past that harmed you terribly. In fact, it may have even robbed you of something that can never be returned or restored. But if you refuse to forgive ― if you refuse to let go of anger, animosity, and bitterness ― that offense will continue to work its destruction in your life. A past-tense problem will become a present-tense issue if you refuse to let go of your bitterness. If you don’t get over that past offense, you will give it the power to damage and even destroy your future as you drag it along like a bag of garbage or toxic waste. At some point, you have to just let it go and get over the offense for your own benefit.

Whatever may have happened to you in the past or whatever offense you may be holding against someone else right now, I want you to know that you can walk free. You just have to make the decision to exercise your authority over your own heart. Remember, you can’t be offended without your own consent. Someone can certainly commit an offense against you by speaking or acting inappropriately or unkindly toward you without your provocation. But you cannot be offended unless you take the offense to yourself. You always have a choice.

When someone commits an offense against you and you’re sorely tempted to “take it,” the very first thing you need to do is go to the Lord. Get a grip on yourself as you allow the Lord to deal with you. Let go of the offense that’s trying to get a grip on you.

Jesus commands you to forgive your offender. The tough part comes when someone commits the same offense seven times in a day and each time repents for what he’s done ― and you’re commanded to forgive him every time! To forgive a person once or twice in one day for committing the same offense would be challenging enough. But seven times in one day? That seems almost impossible to the natural mind! No wonder the apostles exclaimed, “Lord, increase our faith” (see Luke 17:5)!

And Jesus didn’t stop there! He took this issue of forgiveness even further in Mark 11:25 (NKJV) when He said, “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.” In other words, forgiveness in its highest form is unconditional. As was true in my experience with the “pygmy pastor,” God requires all of us to forgive those who offend us, regardless of what the other party in the situation decides to do.

Jesus expects us to be mature and to forgive no matter how other people behave. Remember, the word “forgive” is that Greek word aphiemi, which means in modern terms to let it go. If your offender turns to you seven times in a day and says, “Please forgive me ― I repent,” Jesus expects you each time to let go of the offense. Rather than be held hostage by what someone has done to you — or what you may think that person has done to you — Jesus says, “Get a grip on yourself and let it go.”

Perhaps the person who offended you didn’t intend to do so, even though you think his actions were deliberate. Or perhaps the offense was a matter of carelessness or insensitivity. Whatever your offender’s intention or motivation was, you are the one who must decide whether you will permit the offense to hold you captive ― or you will determine to let it go.
 
The only way you can dismiss, release, and let go of an offense is to get into the presence of the Lord and let Him help you. Just come to Him and say, “Lord, I’m not willing to be bound by this offense. I refuse to be imprisoned by these feelings of hurt, rejection, or humiliation. Right now before You, I choose to let it go.” That choice is the first important step toward living a life free of offense.