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Responses (cont):

Pastor Stan Saunders - Chillicothe, MO
It usually hurts badly, when people leave the church. Occasionally it is a relief, sad to admit. People leave for so many reasons. These times have been some of my most challenging leadership moments. I spent much extra time in prayer during these times. I talked with friends in ministry more often, just after key leaders left the church. I was hurting, and could not really confide in anyone at church, other than my wife, Michelle.

I usually looked into the reasons why the people left. I had to admit sometimes that I had made mistakes that led to their departure. Other times it was as simple as personalities conflicting. Other times it was a disagreement where I was unwilling to yield, as were they. I usually tried to leave the door open for them to return, if they so chose to do so. I tried to be very friendly to them, when I ran into them in public. I made necessary adjustments, so that I would not run off so many folks in the future. Not nearly as many people leave today. But, we’ve been doing this for 25 years.

Many people who left have come back. We have a family who came back a few weeks ago, who had been gone for 14 years. Most of the people who left came back with wonderful attitudes. They are now filling many leadership roles in the church. Every person and situation is different. There are people we don’t want back. They were too disruptive to unity in the church. They have not come back either, or even tried to.

Finally, I would say that if a young pastor is losing people and hurting from it, he should probably try to confide in a more seasoned pastor. I would certainly make myself available to any pastor who needed to talk.


Pastor Gary Kruzan – Rushville, IL
I can't think of a time when people left the church that it didn't affect me.  I've been pastoring for 27 years and it still hasn't changed.  I guess I could respond with several thoughts on this matter.

Someone said this once "When does it stop hurting when people leave your church?' Answer: When you stop caring. The apostle Paul talked about the "care of the churches." This came upon him "daily." (2 Cor.11:28) Certainly if Paul had care for the church, we are going to have care for the church, as God called pastors.

I have, in past times when people left the church, looked so deep within myself that it was like making myself heave up things that were not there (I call it spiritual dry heaves, for lack of a better term).  I've received some help over the years and hopefully learned a few things since my earlier years.

A good friend of mine once told me it's OK to look inside of yourself first, but not so far that you start to destroy yourself.  You may want to ask yourself what's wrong with them and not just ask what's wrong with you.

You will find after you've been doing this for a while, that there are some who need to go.

1 John 2:19 says they went out from among us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us; but they went, that they might be made manifest that

they were not all of us.  The next verse (vs 20) says we have an (unction) anointing and we know all things. You as a pastor will have that discernment to know.

In other situations I know I have "run" people off.  A lot of this due to a lack of people skills.

I have purposed to improve my people skills in more recent times.  Most of the time when people

leave your church, it’s usually over "little" misunderstandings.  We need to sharpen our tools, in order to handle conflicts, as they come.  One rule I'd like to share in conflict resolution, is simply this, whenever you argue you lose!


Pastor Sam Smucker – Lancaster, PA
It is difficult when people leave. It is hard to not take it personal. However this is part of church life and part of being a Pastor. We try to have an exit interview with people when they leave to learn if there is something we could have done different or if there is something we can improve on.

Every church has a personality and some people find it hard to connect. One thing I suggest is to realize we are all the Body of Christ and so pray for them that they find a place where they can connect and serve. Also work on crystalizing your vision so people know where you are headed as a church. Be who you are called to be and do what you are called to do. God will send you many people to minister to. Be faithful in giving your life and ministry to those God sends you.


Dr. Jeff Walker – Palm Springs, CA
I founded the church I pastor over 26 years ago, so I have experienced all manner of people's departures.  My pastorate is in Southern California, where people move on an average of every 2.5 years, so I have experienced a great number of departures. (The national average for Americans moving is every 7 years.)

When I was a newer pastor, I experienced the same emotions and self doubts that the writer reports.  However, I have chosen to "normalize" people leaving for the leavers, the stay-ers, and for myself.  I often say, "There is a right way and a wrong way to do everything" when members leave.  I celebrate them when they come to me first and let me know they're going to make an exit.  The pastoral team lays hands on them and speaks blessings.  I cannot tell you how many people have ended up back in my church after months or years...even when they moved out of the area.  If they are cursed or coerced on their way out, they will have a much harder time ever coming back, even to visit.  If they leave "in the middle of the night" with no notice, I never speak negatively or against them.  It never pays.

About 14 years ago, several key families left at the same time.  I thought I would never survive any one of those families being gone, much less a small herd!  Well, of course, God didn't stagger, and brought others in to fill in the gaps and the church was healthier than ever.  Most important, my fear was alleviated.  I have found a resting place in that experience ever since that episode.

Finally, when it is appropriate, I ask those who are leaving to attend another church in my city why they are leaving.  This is a potentially painful proposition, but the answers can be a gold mine for future planning and ministry strategy development.  Obviously, some will leave because of an offense.  Others, however, may have legitimate needs going unmet.  Try to take in their constructive criticism with a teachable spirit.  None of us or our churches are perfect!

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