Previous Page

Responses (cont):

Pastor Dean Hawk – Colorado Springs, CO
I feel your pain.  We just had a family in a key lay leadership position suddenly up and decide to leave. Of course they let me know by email versus a phone call or personal conversation.   First off, know your personality weaknesses and strengths.  We use People Keys (.com) for our staff and any potential new employees.  It combines the DISC personality evaluation with a TEAM evaluation and will “read your mail.”  One of the challenges of several personality types is the fear of personal rejection.  Ouch!  You got me there.  Others read this question and don’t understand what the big deal is.  “Shake it off!” is easier said than done for many of us.  Yet for most guys rejection is pretty hard to swallow.  Here are a couple practical steps I go through.

1. Investigate: What is the source or reason for their departure?   Is there anything that I or my staff did or didn’t do that caused them to leave? 
2. Fix it:  If relationship can be restored or fixed, don’t be too prideful to do it.  Even if the individual may not be able to be recovered, ask yourself if there is a hole in the boat that we can fix so we won’t lose any others.  Too often we cast too much blame on the person leaving and we don’t accept any responsibility.  I have always found someway that we can improve or change.
3. Bless it:  When you bless something or someone you take away the power for it to hurt you.  Whenever anyone leaves our church we send flowers or a candy bouquet.  No, not one with dead roses.  I tell my secretaries not to hold back on cost.  We want them to leave with a good taste in their mouth and leave the “barn door” wide open for the sheep to wander back in at some point.  Just last Sunday we had a family back who left our church seven months ago.  I don’t know if they will stay, but it was a great sign to me that they felt comfortable in returning.  I also send a personal note of thanks and appreciation expressing my love to them, any apologies needed, and speak blessings over them.
4. Focus and Gratitude:  Rejoice in those who are a part of your church and do support you and the vision.  It’s too easy to become side tracked.  There are some people you are never going to satisfy.  Be thankful for who is on your team and focus on ministering to them with even a greater passion.  When people leave your church it will cause you to get bitter or better.  One will make you sour to the rest of your congregation and  the other will make you sweeter! 

Pastor Mike Webb – Lake Forest, CA
It is inevitable that people will leave your church, but it usually hurts when they go. Those that leave you will go in one of two ways, either in the will of God or contrary to it. If they leave in the will of God, then there will be no hard feelings and everyone will remember fondly the time together. If they leave in the flesh, it will always be the pastor's fault. That is because they have to justify their leaving. After all, it CAN'T be their fault!

60% of our people left during our building project some years back. This was due to lawsuits that arose from the behavior of unscrupulous contractors. I was honest with the congregation each step along the way and told them I understood the pressure that we were all feeling. I specifically told everyone that I understood if they couldn't (or didn't want to) deal with the pressure, but if they were going to leave, please come shake my hand and tell me goodbye. Not one person did. Instead, they left saying that I must have done something wrong or else there wouldn't be so much trouble. In other words, they didn't know what I did wrong, but it was my fault somehow.

The times that God has shown Himself the strongest on our behalf have been when others left us.  And as long as He is with you, that is all that counts. He will see you through and supply your needs.

I used to think that if I could just teach and minister well enough, no one would ever leave. Then I read John 6 where everyone left Jesus. When Jesus asked His disciples if they were going to leave, too, they said, "We don't have anywhere else to go." That sounds to me like, "We want to...if only we had some other place." Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the miracle working Son of God. Apparently, Jesus didn't teach or minister well enough to keep people from leaving Him. Also, when the rich young ruler left Jesus, Jesus let him go. He didn't follow after him trying to convince him to stay. I think that is instructive for us, too.

The Lord told me once that if people were already spiritual enough to do the right thing, then they wouldn't need me. We will never do enough things or do them well enough to satisfy everyone. We just have to keep our eyes on what we are supposed to do and trust God to give us those that He wants us to pastor.

Years ago, while I was working for Bro. Hagin, I was in the speaker's room at Rhema prior to a service that Dr. Lester Sumrall was to minister. The room was full of nationally known ministers discussing a recent split in a mega-church pastored by a friend. Opinions were abundant about what happened, whether the church could survive, and what could and should be done. I noticed that neither Dr. Sumrall nor Bro. Hagin said anything. When it was time for the service to begin, everyone had filed out and only Dr. Sumrall, Bro. Hagin and myself were left. As I opened the door for Bro. Hagin to escort Dr. Sumrall into the auditorium, Dr. Sumrall stopped, looked directly at me and stated, "Every living organism must have a bowel movement from time to time!" Not knowing what else to do, I looked at Bro. Hagin, who said, "Amen." They then walked into the service as if nothing had happened. I closed the door and rolled on the floor laughing. But I will always remember the point. Sometimes it is necessary for the wrong people to leave in order for God to lead you forward. Pray for them and let them go.


Pastor John Huizing – Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
Over the years we have pastored, we have seen scores of people come and leave. When we were young in ministry, Ingrid and I would analyze (if not: over-analyze) why people would even go so far as to even contemplate leaving.  After all, aren’t they getting the Word and haven’t their lives been changed by our message and ministry?  What could we do to make them stay?  Over time, we have learned to stick with what we are called to do - to feed the flock that is among us, no matter what size it is and to become skillful in communicating the Word of Faith and demonstrating the fruit and gifts of the Spirit. We have endeavored to live by 1 Peter 5:2, “Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;” 

The more we have learned to focus on our scriptural responsibilities, the more set apart we have become to the Lord and the calling and the less responsible we have felt for people’s choices and their “personal happiness.”  Of course, Ingrid and I love people and we do care about them deeply.  However, the Bible has more to say about them that are with us than those who are not. For this reason we have chosen to focus on those who are with us.

1 Timothy 4:16, “Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.”  We still shed tears when someone leaves us, and, in most cases, we will always leave the porch lights on, hoping deep down they will someday return.

The second part of the question - how to handle departures as a leader - is much more difficult, since we do not have control over how others process the events.  We have had church members and staff members become quite distressed when someone left and you can almost hear the underlying question that everyone is thinking, but no one  is verbalizing,  “What is wrong with your leadership that so and so left”?  Besides the Lord being our judge, we also have time on our side. Over time we - as leaders - are able to prove what we are made of by walking in love, honesty and transparency.  We have always endeavored to emulate what Brother Hagin has walked before us - to bless when others criticize and to forgive when we and our values are misrepresented.  This is, after all, the way of the believer.

It takes a while for the truth, the details and facts to come out, but our endurance as leaders will keep us steady in the race.  I am reminded of what the Apostle Paul said, when he faced opposition and everyone left him, in 2 Timothy 4:

16  At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge.

17  Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me; that by me the preaching might be fully known, and that all the Gentiles might hear: and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion.

18  And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

We may as well realize that not everyone is going to like us, or agree with our message, or appreciate our method and style.  We are determined, however, that we are going to reach as many people as possible, beginning with those whose trust we have earned.


Pastor Dennis Cummins – Puyallup, WA
As we know, there are varying reasons why people walk out our doors.  They move, die, we ask them to leave, or they leave with an agenda.  When people move and die, it seems to be easier to handle than those we have to ask to leave, or those that leave disgruntled.  I have only had to ask four individuals to leave our church over the last 17 years.  These were sheep in wolves’ clothing that only had a desire to prey on the sheep and undermine the vision.  In these scenarios we act swiftly, walking in humility and resolve unwavering from the gospel.  Asking someone to leave the church is far from easy and it shouldn’t be easy.  I have to stand in fear and trembling as we have to make a judgment call upon another mortal being.  Then we move on.

People leaving our church evokes a whole new set of feelings and challenges.  When people leave our church we always have to remain objective and honest with ourselves, especially when my ego gets involved.  Let’s face it, as the pastor of the church, it’s pretty easy to take it personal when people leave us.  Lori, my wife is great at giving me a gut check when people have left the church.  She would ask me if we handled everything appropriately or if there was something that we should have done differently.  She would also remind me to pray to see if God needed to reveal anything to us that we could have done differently.  These principles all sound great, but in the midst of dealing with bumbling sheep that need a swift kick in the hind end; it’s pretty tough to put into practice.  I am learning that humility with resolve is the best way to deal with people that leave and the door swings both ways.  We never want to paint people into a corner to where they would never want to return.  We have found over the last 18 years in this church that people come and people go, and then most of them will come back because we walked in love. 

It certainly hurts when people leave us and I think we need to have safe places to go and vent our frustrations.  Even with my staff, I share some of my frustrations, but then we move on.  One thing I do when people leave is; I remind my staff about how we can learn from past situations so that we won’t repeat the same mistakes.

The attrition rate is the ever evil nemesis to church, and that is why we have to focus more about who’s coming than who left.  Sure we handle it in love and unwavering truth, but move on.  I have lost hundreds of hours of productivity over people that have left us, stressing, worrying and talking about it all the time, rather than using the time to build the people that remained.  I tell you the truth, that I lost 160 people two years ago and another 85 last year…all because of forward thinking and holding to the vision that God has placed before us.  All I can say is, while it is not easy, it is sure worth it!  Ed Young Jr was quoted as saying that he is more interested in who is leaving a church than who is coming.  I think it is a very powerful statement.  Onward and upward.

Next Page