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Pastor David Emigh – Sand Springs, OK
When people leave the church it can be a difficult thing. The most important thing is for the pastor to not take it personal. We have to face the fact people are going to leave the church. The best thing we can do is make an exit ramp for them. If people are gracious enough to let me know they are leaving, I write them a letter and thank them for their attendance and past service. I let them know if they ever desire to come back that the door is open. I only do that if I want them to come back.
We must face the fact that not everyone is called to our church and they will not be a blessing to you if they do not share your heart. You are better off to let them go. Pruning will take place in your church. If I really wonder why they left, I try to find out why and if there is something I did not do or could do better. I evaluate that, but remember you are not going to please everyone.
I have on occasions used instances in my sermons to educate people on the proper way to leave, but I do not spend a lot of time on it or make it a big deal. The bottom line is people are going to do what they decide to do and we have to love them and go on.
There have been a few times I have written to people who left without communication and addressed that, but be sure and be led by the Holy Spirit in that and do not get in the flesh.
Pastor Tim Kutz – Bartlesville, OK
As a pastor I came to an understanding that most people in my congregation are not as "spiritual" as they think, or even as I would like to think. We know very well that a mature person is really a person who walks in love. Unfortunately, most Christians don't make walking in love their priority as they should. The real question is: Am I going to make it a priority in my life?
As I was teaching a pastor's class recently, I sensed the Lord say something to me concerning this; this was God's Word to me personally. I heard Him say to me, "I am not going to judge people on how they treat you, but I am going to hold you accountable on how you treat them." The scripture that He gave me was James 3:1 - My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. (NKJV)
This is the same thing that Jesus faced when people hung him on the cross, and Jesus asked the Father to forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing. As hard as it is to endure, we must first forgive people and then just let them go. Not everyone is going to stay with us. We must humble ourselves and realize that some pastors have different vision than us and God will gather people around them to help them fulfill that vision. Some of those people may currently be in your church.
Those who are in the ministry with you, serving you as staff members, should know better. But there will still be situations when, for whatever reason, people divide the church to fulfill their own leadings. They say it is the Holy Ghost, but the Holy Ghost will not lead someone to divide the church. Actually, the Holy Ghost tells us to take note of people which bring division and to avoid them (Rom 16:17). The Bible tells us that we are to be first led by "integrity". Prov 11:3 - The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them. (NKJV) The Holy Spirit will never lead someone outside of integrity, and integrity will not divide a church.
People leave churches in three conditions:
1.) To align themselves with a pastor’s vision at the leading of the Lord.
2.) Because they are offended.
3.) Because they are walking away from integrity.
You will find that you will not be able to change people’s minds about any of the three. Your part is to walk in love and remember after this separation (death), if you trust God and have a spirit of faith, there will be a resurrection. New life in your ministry, a future and a hope will come to you if you walk in love and believe God.
The biggest thing that you can do is to teach much on walking in love. Teach people about the trap of the offense. Make Pastor Hagin's book on avoiding offense or John Bevere's book on the “Bait of Satan” a book-of-the-month every so often and promote them to your people. Then in teaching people to be led by the Spirit, teach them to be first led by integrity. Tony has an excellent sermon on this and I am sure he will come and minister this to your people or send you his notes. Teach people on the office of the pastor and the place of the shepherd in the lives of the sheep. Bring in people who will intentionally teach on honoring the gift of the pastor. This is not self-serving. This will set the people up for God to move in their life through the things he gives you to speak to them. If people begin to gossip, the sheep will recognize the spirit of division and avoid them or silence them. There will be many things that the sheep will deal with and you won't even know about it.
There is something that the Lord specifically addresses in Ezekiel. Teach this to people at a time they are entering the church and there is no rumblings of division. The Lord said through Ezekiel: 'And as for you, O My flock, thus says the Lord GOD: "Behold, I shall judge between sheep and sheep, between rams and goats. Is it too little for you to have eaten up the good pasture, that you must tread down with your feet the residue of your pasture — and to have drunk of the clear waters, that you must foul the residue with your feet? And as for My flock, they eat what you have trampled with your feet, and they drink what you have fouled with your feet." 'Therefore thus says the Lord GOD to them: "Behold, I Myself will judge between the fat and the lean sheep. Because you have pushed with side and shoulder, butted all the weak ones with your horns, and scattered them abroad, therefore I will save My flock, and they shall no longer be a prey; and I will judge between sheep and sheep. I will establish one shepherd over them, and he shall feed them....Ezekiel 34:17-23.
Some people aren't just satisfied to leave, some have to trample the pasture as they leave so that the pasture does not look attractive and nourishing to the remaining sheep. Love the ones who remain and be a shepherd to them and feed them with knowledge and understanding. Leave the judgment to the Lord; He's righteous in what He does and He will take care of the goats and the wolves. After you've cried for "Absalom" for a night, get up and encourage yourself in the Lord, and love the ones who have stayed.
Pastor Rob Wynne – Linden, AL
It seems as if most people that have left my church, God has at one time or another used me or my wife, Rose, to bless them substantially spirit, soul, body or all of the above. I do not take it personal nor do I dwell on such things. However, I do check my own self to make sure that I didn’t cause my own bug infestation. As hard as it may be for anyone to believe, I have ignorantly caused some of the problem. There I’ve said it. Boy, that kinda hurts! I’ve always been able to get happy in the same britches that I got sad in.
Living in a small area, I see most of the folks that have left and I act as if they should still love me. To start, I believe the first responsibility falls on us because we are the leaders. If people are grumbling and complaining, I try to be especially nice to them. They should not be able to say that I acted unchristian, although I must say that I fired one man and banned him when he threatened to beat me up for the second time. I also called the police on him the third time at a local café. But I have seen him since and was able to shake his hand and be friendly. As a result of this approach, we have had other families that we treated well on the way out come back and be productive members. Secondly, I personaly haven’t addressed the issue head-on and may never. I usually mix hard issues in sweet unsuspecting wrappers. I have never wanted to throw a suspicious light if it is not necessary.
